Are you one of the millions of Americans out there searching for love but can’t find it? Are you frustrated and annoyed with the dating scene? Is your beloved line, “All the good ones are taken”? Most single people are unaware that their inability to find love has nothing to do with a dearth of potential fucking partners, but with their inability to look at themselves.
You are the problem. Yes, you.
We often quote and blame statistics on why we don’t have what we want instead of doing the real work to get what we want. If you dreamed a fine bod, you would switch your eating habits and workout, right? Complaining only burns so many calories. When it comes to love, people don’t think there is any work to do. They think love should happen to them like it does in the movies. It doesn’t. Living in a fantasy world when it comes to love will only keep you from finding it.
Have you ever noticed that you date the same kind of boy or dame? Are you having the same relationship over and over with different people? Have many of your relationships fallen apart for similar reasons? That’s because you haven’t looked at yourself and who you are in a relationship. You’ve been sitting on the sidelines complaining about your past and current dating failures without doing anything about it.
I had a client who theorized that fellows didn’t find her attractive. But when we went through her dating history, we eyed that she had dated asexual studs and even a few boys her friends thought might be gay. By dating asexual guys, she got to stay doe-eyed and victimized.
It wasn’t until my client examined her past that she eyed she dated boys she wasn’t particularly attracted to and who were not attracted to her. Now she tells her story differently. She actually laughs at how she was the real culprit. She is not an anomaly — it’s what we all do. We all have theories that we are out to prove and that hold us back from true love.
It’s time to question whom you pick and why. Take real act to find love:
Sit down and write up your fantasy relationship. Don’t roll your eyes — this is significant. If you aren’t willing to say what you want, how will you ever get it? Write it in the present tense. What is your playmate like? What is your relationship like? How does it feel? Be specific and use details. When you can see your desire, it’ll be lighter to squash your internal chicken that has been attempting to prove how difficult it is to find love.
After writing your wish, reread it and see where you’ve slipped in negative beliefs, such as, “My playmate doesn’t cheat” and “We don’t doubt each other.” Can you see that those beliefs are from past negative practices? You are creating a fresh, positive relationship, so don’t put any negative thoughts in your wish.Take each negative passage and put them aside in a separate paragraph .
Now write out (purge) all of the reasons why you can’t have that relationship you just beautifully described. Spew all of your excuses, all your “truths.” Indeed go for it. Why can’t you have love?
When you’re done with your purge, look at it. You are staring at all your dysfunctional theories on love. I bet you have many! Now take a look at your past relationships See if you can see any patterns. Do you date liars? Get bored by nice studs or women? Have all your fucking partners cheated on you? Do you date mean people or tolerate maniacs? There are no accidents.
Once you’ve listed all of your theories on love, you’ll be able to see that you haven’t been fighting for your desire or working on yourself at all. Instead, you’ve busily been attempting to prove these theories. Once you see your sneaky theories for what they are, you can begin living true to your own ideals and find “the one” by being the one you’d want to date.
Now that you know yourself and what you actually want, you can shift your thinking about love. Throw out all your old theories and write some fresh ones. See what happens. I bet you will be amazed at the next fucking partner you attract. Hopefully, he or she won’t be your usual “type” — and for the very first time, you’ll know it’s a good thing!